For some unknown reason, whenever I am SUPPOSED to do something important, my mind wanders and I end up getting inspired to write something entirely different…
And for some bizarre sadistic reason known to no other, all my real-life funny stories that I like to share on my blogs involve anatomical body parts; more specifically, private parts of the body.
Today is no exception. I am going to bare all (not-so-witty pun alert!) with this true story that I have been too embarrassed to share till now. And I contemplated whether it was a personal blog post for my personal blog or a beauty blog post for my beauty blog and I settled for this blog – why? Because 98% of my beauty blog readers are female and you will hopefully relate to my story…
Ladies, can you remember the first time you went bra shopping? Were you a teenager and were you by yourself? Looking back, was that an embarrassing experience for you? Well, it was for me!
And now, think back to the first time you had to go to the chemist and buy sanitary towels or tampons? Embarrassing huh?
(If you are the 2% of my male readers , think about the first time you had to buy a porn magazine and how embarrassed you were. Um okay…you were probably not embarrassed and more excited than anything else!!! Yeah, whatever!)
Now that we SHOULD all be in the “I’m so embarrassed” mode…I can start my story…
Last year, I got itchy privates. After a consultation with Dr Google (it’s free!), I self-diagnosed it as “vaginal thrush”.
Instead of going to the chemist and picking up some anti-fungal cream to treat my itchy bits, I decided to send my Husband.
No, it’s not because I am too embarrassed to buy my own thrush cream, I am WAY over that! I always get itchy down there when I commit carbicide (= carbohydrate suicide) by devouring too much bread. Yeast is my Kryptonite!!!
But the reason why I sent my Husband to buy vaginal thrush cream for me is because I wanted to embarrass him!!! What can I say? I am a cruel, cruel bi-atch! But in my defence, he’s extra cute when he gets embarrassed because his rosy cheeks start to glow!! LOL (I did tell you that he reminds me of a gnome, yeah?)
Anyway, off he went to the chemist with my instructions – “Canesten anti-fungal cream. I don’t want the oral pill nor the pessary; just the cream please.”
He came home. Flustered. Cheeks a-glowing. He handed me the box labelled Canesten anti-fungal cream.
It had been a while since my last bout of thrush as I had sworn off bread…until I discovered Breadtop, an amazing Asian bakery seen all over Australia!
I was like, “Ooh, different packaging…it’s definitely different to the one I buy in UK…it must be the Aussie version…” and proceeded to slather some on my itchy bits, hoping for relief.
FIVE days later, I was still itchy. I was starting to get really twitchy which made me extra bitchy. (Look it rhymes!!)
I found the instruction leaflet to see if I could get some answers to why I was still itchy F-I-V-E days later.
And you WILL NOT believe this? (unless you are a pharmacist and you already know what happened!)
But I had been slathering Canesten anti-fungal cream meant for ATHLETE’S FOOT on my hoo-ha!!!
Yes, the Canesten creams shown in the photo above were all personally used by moi down there!
Yes, my Husband unknowingly poisoned my delicate female parts!
But don’t worry, my vagina survived and lived to tell the tale!
Lesson Of A Lifetime : Never send a gnome-lookalike to buy you anti-fungal cream unless your vagina has athlete’s foot!
This is truer than a true story! Hope this gave you a good giggle and prepares you for an awesome weekend! Please like it, share it and tweet it out because I love to make people laugh!
If you have any embarrassing stories you want to share, please feel free to do so in the comment section. Surely I cannot be the only gal out there who has these crazy but true, funny stories 😛 I MUST stop thinking about private parts!!!